What Would My 20 Year Old Self Think of My Life Now?
What would my 20-year-old self think of my life now?
He would be shocked in so many ways. Where to begin? Me, my wife, my family, my church... and one constant through all the years.
Me. I look dramatically different than I did as a skinny 20-year-old. I am healthier, stronger, and more physically fit today than I was back then. I still have a lot of hair, so that hasn't changed much. The biggest change is in my maturity and wisdom. In my early forties, I went through a program Kristin wrote called "Freedom Study." (Actually, I've taken it many, many times since.) That first session yielded huge, life-changing results. It showed me that I was living with the burden of insecurity, fear, and people-pleasing. I did the deep dive and eliminated all three from my life. What a game-changer that was — to live in freedom from that vile trio. My level of wisdom has grown over the years. Literally, day by day, my wisdom has accumulated and solidified. I am grateful that the Lord has blessed me with wisdom I rely on daily. I pray each morning that the Lord would take all I have learned up to today and empower me to add to my daily wisdom. Then I ask Him to add to that wisdom with His supernatural impartation (James 1:5). The end result is something special, and I am extremely grateful for the Lord's pouring into me each day.
My Wife. Kristin and I were married when we were 20 years old, so this is a really cool one for me to write about. Out of all the men in the world, Kristin chose me. I am so glad she did. We have been married for 38 years this past May. What a ride! She knew she wanted to marry a minister... which I was not when we got married. We have been in ministry for the last 36 years, and she is not your traditional pastor's wife. Today, she is a pastor herself — and a great one at that. She did so much at the church as a stay-at-home mom until Casey was 17 years old. Pastor Craig asked her to lead the women's ministry. She crushed it, introducing GFC to major conferences and developing the annual Women's Conference into a huge event and ministry experience. She has overseen all of the small groups ministry and is now the Culture Pastor at GFC.
She has the best grandmother name to our grandkids — they call her Big Momma. She took "grandma" and made it sound way cooler. She wrote a book called Freedom Study, and it has been used by thousands to take back their walk with God. She is still my favorite person, and I love to hear her laugh.
My Family. We had three kids before I turned 24. Taylor is our oldest, and she is an accomplished singer, pianist, photographer, techie, and amazing mom. The kid with glasses who loved to read, was nervous about thunder, and was the pickiest eater is now a fierce leader and one of my biggest sources of wisdom. She married Chris Dobson, who can do anything he tries, and they have three kids: Jaxon, Reese, and Quinn. They live in Charlotte and are doing amazing things working for Elevation Worship.
Abigail was our second child — the spunky, confident, athletic, strong middle child. She was our athlete, artist, kid-loving explorer who became a personal trainer and nanny. She took care of a variety of kids — one with cancer and his physically challenged brother, a set of preemie twins and their brother, and then the boys of a professional baseball player. That set her up well, because she married a baseball player, Casey Kotchman, and they have two athletic boys. She loves being a boy mom, and they both love being with their sons.
Our third was our son, Casey, who was diagnosed with a form of cerebral palsy when he was 18 months old. He did the work with the therapists and doctors. He still has it, but you wouldn't detect it unless we told you to look for it. He was a true son to me. He loved athletics, playing drums, worship, and being all boy. He played drums until one day Taylor asked him to sing a song at a practice. He never went back to the drums. He became a worship leader early in his teens and now leads the worship ministry for all of Grace Family Church. He married Katy, who is also a great singer, artist, and hair professional. They have Graham and Libby, who continue to amaze me with their love of the arts and their ability to turn anything into a song, dance, or show.
Chloe was our "bonus child." We've known and loved her biological mom and dad since before Kristin and I were married. Chloe came to live with us for four years after high school and married Ian Hall. They have two kids, Emory and Grant, who are smart and fun.
That's all my kids and grandkids — four kids and nine grandkids... wow. My 20-year-old self would be so amazed to see the lives that came in the years to follow. It has been the best ride ever!
My Church. I have been at two churches in 38 years. We were at Wekiva Assembly for the first six years of our marriage, and at Grace Family Church for the rest. We started as children's pastors at Wekiva and loved ministering to kids and families. Looking back now, I learned so much. I came to GFC to do children's ministry, administration, and anything else needed to grow a one-year-old church. It has been the most amazing journey. What started in a strip mall with 125 people is now 8 locations around Tampa with an average of 14,250 people each weekend. I have done every ministry in the church except women's ministry (Kristin did that). I was the Executive Pastor for a long time and was recently named Lead Pastor of Finance and Operations. I love the Tampa area and the people who call it home. There are so many great people and stories I've enjoyed over the years. If you told me at age twenty all the places I would go for ministry, I would be shocked. If you told me all the amazing people I would meet and befriend, I would be astounded. If you told me how much I would love seeing people take a step toward Jesus each of those days, I would have smiled and said, "That would be great!"
One Constant. There has been one constant over the last thirty-eight years — my love for God. I hear stories all the time of people who accepted Christ, lived for Him, and then fell away from that relationship. Many of them came back to the Lord, which is terrific. Some never did, and my heart grieves for their loss. I never fell away. I loved the Lord at 20 years old and have built upon that foundation ever since. That is not me bragging — it is me declaring, as a sober, humble victory, that I still love God and desire more of Him at this stage in my life. I want to finish strong and love God more each day until I am done with this life.
I think the 20-year-old would be proud of the 58-year-old me. He would be grateful that all the hopes and dreams he once held would be nourished and developed over these years. There are more chapters to write — I can't wait to see what's next!
