When you suffer a significant loss, it's easy to get stuck in the quagmire of grief, pain, sorrow, anger, and the endless question of "Why?" Part of you just wants to shut it all out. It's tough. The loss might be a loved one, an ominous diagnosis, a relationship that changed, or a financial downturn. Some things aren't just a hit. They're a major blow to everything that keeps you grounded and centered.
I've walked my own version of this journey, and I know the wave of emotions that confronts us in these moments. Over the last few weeks, my role as a pastor has put me alongside people I have the honor of knowing, caring for, and pastoring as they face some significant challenges. Some of them feel like a direct punch in the nose:
Searching for a job after months of résumés, interviews, and rejections
Downsizing a home
Facing health challenges: tumors, cancer, and symptoms with no known cause
Moving into a new home while leaving a beloved one behind
Stepping into new jobs, new titles, and new responsibilities
Carrying new expectations while grieving the ones that went unfulfilled
There's a picture I come back to often: You have more chapters to write. In seasons like these, we want to believe the book is over. Pull out the bookmark, close the cover, and put it back on the shelf. We can't imagine there's anything left to say. Let me assure you... you have plenty more to say.
So how do you move on and begin a new chapter?
1. Close the Chapter
Do the work now to bring finality to what happened. This takes time, because closing a chapter well isn't done in bitterness or anger. It's done with hard work. Look honestly at yourself and determine what needs to be addressed. Emotions, expectations, unanswered questions, and your own emotional health all come together in this season. Take the time to acknowledge them, dig deep, and deal with each one.
People who say "I'm fine" without resolving these very real issues usually find themselves circling back to them later. There's an old phrase that rings true: "Pay me now or pay me later... either way, you pay."
2. Pick Up Your Pen
This is where I see people get stuck. Paralysis sets in. Fear starts talking: "I can't do it." "I'm afraid of what I don't know." "Will it ever work again?"
I heard a great line this week: Intuition is based in the present, while fear is based in the future. That makes sense. When you deal with the present, you bring all of your past experience and wisdom together to make a good decision. When you live in the future, you're wrestling with unknowns that haven't even happened yet.
So will you get back in the game? Will you pick up your gifts, talents, personality, and abilities to do what only you can do? To write a new chapter, you have to show up. You've done the work to get healthy. Now you need the courage to do the new thing. It will feel awkward, hard, and different. Do it anyway. Do the hard thing. You can do this.
God is in the business of new chapters. Through the prophet Isaiah, He says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" (Isaiah 43:19, NIV)
3. Grab a Clean Sheet of Paper
Old school: paper. New school: a computer screen. Innovator: virtual reality. Whatever your medium, what is the new environment you're stepping into? Or maybe it's an old environment with a different you. Both are challenging.
Value what the past gave you, and hold those memories in a special place. Then engage the new space. Give yourself time to take it all in. Keep your eyes wide open. Notice the opportunities, the things done differently than you're used to, and the new people who are now part of your story.
On my first day of college, my father wrote me a letter that still rings true today. In essence, he said: "Enjoy every moment of college. This is the best time of your life. Try everything available to you. Go to concerts, plays, games, intramurals, readings, church activities... everything (that isn't illegal)." His reasoning was simple: nothing was holding me back.
You may not have all the freedom you had in college, but what is actually stopping you from trying something new in this new environment? If the answer is you, then you have a choice to make. Will you be a pioneer or a settler? Both have their advantages. Only one takes you places you've never been before.
4. Write and Keep Writing
No one said life is easy. You will face challenges and difficulties. So here is my final charge for writing your next chapter: write, and keep writing.
You might think writing comes easily for someone who enjoys it. It has its easy days, but there are far more hard ones. My longtime friend Jeffrey Wilson is a phenomenal writer who, with his writing partner Brian Andrews, writes powerfully across a variety of genres. Jeff once told me the key to being a writer: "Write. Write, and keep on writing." He didn't worry about quality, word count, or the final product. All of that comes in time. Just keep showing up and writing.
Whatever your new chapter represents, get there and do it. You will impact others and change the environment around you. And the best result of all is you: a new you, grounded on a new foundation, empowered with a new attitude, and soaring to a new altitude.
You have more chapters to write. Let's go!
